As Auditions Approach

How lovely to be able bodied and insightful enough to blog again only after a day and a half.

I should seriously do this more often.

I think its really amazing to be able to take the time and reflect upon the positive things happening in my life.

It's so easy to feel sluggish and get into a daily routine of waking up, driving mindlessly to work, nodding through the day with your eyes half shut, scuffing home, scarfing down dinner and barely looking at your cat before hardly brushing your teeth and turning on Netflix for a few hours of restless sleep.

You know?

I am a part of a really amazing church, with a really amazing pastor, who I am convinced reads peoples minds and gives amazingly relevant and life changing messages every week.

If you're interested, it's called Renovation and it's located on Hertel Ave in Buffalo.

Hey, you never know... it could change your life... it changes mine every week.

To preface what I'm about to write about today, I have something else to remind myself about (seeing as I don't really know if anyone will ever read this... I suppose if you (whoever you are) do read this blog, it will just give you a little insight to what I think and feel...)

I was scrolling through Instagram and I came across a photo of a key with the word "Breathe" engraved into it. It was captioned with #thegivingkeys.

I got very curious and looked into the story of how Caitlin Crosby (Singer/songwriter/actress) built up a business by going against the Hollywood grain, singing about loving your imperfections, and encouraging people to be good to others around them. 

http://www.thegivingkeys.com/pages/about-us

Like keys, we are all different. We all have dents and markings that make us flawed, and sometimes we feel discarded, or lost… but sometimes we can unlock someone else’s situation.

The basis behind the key is you’re supposed to embrace the word on your key (courage, strength, hope, faith, love… etc.) and then when/if you come across someone who you think needs the key more than you… you pass it on.

It's sort of an encouraging, community building project and the proceeds help people transition people out of homelessness.

Our message at church today started with a question. 

“What breaks your heart?”

For Caitlin Crosby, the thought of Hollywood’s perfect standards bringing people down broke her heart. Homelessness breaks her heart. So she used her fame to bring a future and hope to others.

Of course, there are thing in this life that break my heart.

Sick children being one of them. A huge part of my grace story is that I was healed, miraculously, when I was a child of reflux in my bladder and kidneys.

Without too much detail, I was often in excruciating pain, often resulting in what felt like endless tears and invasive doctoral procedures. After having been prayed for, and truly believing that Jesus was going to heal me, like he did in all those stories I read in the bible, just one visit later I was told by the doctor that there were no signs the reflux ever existed. No scarring, no damage to my kidneys. Just Healed. One Hundred Percent.

So you might say “Sarah, why not go into nursing, and work in the children’s ward at the hospital” 

…Because I was also given a gift.

Up to this point, I have had a hard time figuring out how being an actress can be a non-selfish act. With all of the time and preparation that goes into an audition and rehearsals… just to be in the spotlight, and have thousands of eyes looking up to you…. how can something like that bring glory to the One that created me? And if this doesn’t bring Him glory, then what does? And if I’m not meant to be doing this, then why did He give me this gift to begin with?

Recently it has started to make sense.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

It has been so hard for me to be happy auditioning and waiting for the “next thing” to come along because to this point, it has been lacking purpose. If I can’t help the hungry and I can’t heal the sick… then why does it matter?

And the answer is… I still don’t know. But I do know this-

“Whoever wants to save their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for Him will save it.

Mark 8:35

So I’ve got nothing to worry about. And I’ve got nothing to lose. 

Because this year all I can do is say “yes” to the opportunities that are presented to me.

I want my life to be saved. So I have to lose myself.

Myself being: my fear of not being good enough… my comfort zone… my fear of being rejected… my fear of having no money… fear of lack of stability… selfishness…

And thank goodness I've been delivered from those things... 

All I can do is try my hardest and work at refining my gifts, and know that whatever will be will be… so that someday, maybe someone will read this and say “hey, she has real purpose… and so can I.”