Sometimes we miss the point...

It has been a very mind twisting week. 

Mind and heart. 

I've been thinking a lot about my future (which is always an instant gut drop) and about my spirituality... I've been thinking about auditions and friendships... And then I found out about the death of one of my former classmates... 

And that just devastated me.

After you hear news like that, everything else starts to seem like ... life or death. 

If a beautiful, talented, kind, intelligent girl with her whole life to live can suffer and fear something that she wasn't expecting for 80 years... Well it can certainly happen to any one of us. 

Sorry that sounds so morbid, but that's just the way life feels right now. 

And on top of that I'm thinking about the woman I want to be, how o want to live my life, plans that God has laid out for me, and choices that He has given me to make. 

It occurred to me that I have been squashing my curiosity. I have always been a person with a lot of questions. And I love to discover the answer. In my past "curiosity killed the cat" seemed to be the motto of my life, and fortunately, by Gods grace, I was able to make wiser choices in finding answers. 

Unfortunately, some regrets kept me from continuing my search for answers and I stopped asking for a while. 

The amazing thing about this century is that lots of people have been through life and written down experiences and I can learn from others in books... Or by asking Siri.

From there it's a matter of finding the truth. 

So anyway, I'm trying to act on my curiosity and find answers again. This time not so recklessly. And this time with a purpose. 

That was all super vague, but I know what I'm talking about and that's all that matters. 

I'm also trying to work on being less selfish. Part of my theatrical journey has been about the fact that I don't want to do it all for me. "It makes me happy" isn't a good enough reason. I mean, it's great that theater makes me happy! 

I love that! But I also want to do something good with it. For others. Beyond the enjoyment of simply going to the theater. I don't know what that is yet... I guess I just need to keep figuring it out.