True story 3LP Rehearsals

In a few weeks I'll be opening "The true story of the three little Pigs" at the Theater of Youth... Or TOY. 

I couldn't be more excited about the process so far. 

I love the cast and especially love our director. The best feeling in theater is when you trust someone to do their job well and put on an amazing show that translates well and offers an array of emotions while really telling a story. 

He's super smart and I trust his directorial judgement. It's going to be an awesome show.

Another thing that I love about the process, is that after every rehearsal we all talk about how it went and how we felt about it. 

We did our first run of the whole show tonight, choreography and blocking... Most of us without scripts in hand. These rehearsals are usually frustrating and give you a good idea of the "soft spots" in the show. It's usually a rough time for me internally as an actor because I start to doubt myself and the work I've done... As someone who is tough on myself, it's a true test of my memory. 

Tonight I had a fun revelation-- I had a chance to take stock in myself and noticed a little change.

 I wasn't once frustrated with myself.

And come to think of it, I haven't been frustrated the whole process. Maybe it's because I feel safe, good environment, and I trust my cast and director... 

All true... But I think it's something bigger. A coming of age, and understanding that I'm human. That I'll make mistakes and forget... But I don't have to make myself sick about it. I have been having so much fun with the whole process, and Ive been able to make bold choices and do silly things that I don't usually get to do in the roles I get cast as. 

I hope that the positivity I feel doing this show translates to the audiences that get to see it. And that, even without being able to put a finger on it, herds of children will be able to see that they can be themselves, freely, with no judgement and without apology in the internal battle against their own thoughts and puts downs. You don't have to be your own worst enemy. If you can be on your side, it opens up the possibilities to expand your personality and be more accessible to others. 

I love the things I get to learn about myself through acting. What an awesome opportunity.

Little Updates

Not much new has happened.
I accepted a role with TOY (Theater of Youth) and I'm excited to start in one new project. I've been pretty uninspired recently... So it will be good to have a change of scenery.
I cut off 8 inches of my hair and donated it to "Children with Hair loss" and that same day was my last day working with the family that I nannied for.
My hair has already grown a good half inch, and my work days are a lot less noisy... I went from watching three children all at once to watching only one. I have a lot more time to do crafts with her and I've seen several new Disney movies that I hadn't seen before.
I've been going to a yoga and Pilates class a few times a week and started attending an Aerial class---

Okay, I guess a lot of new things have happened. More reasons why writing down your life has its benefits... You don't realize the changes you are going through until you start describing them to someone else.

The aerial class has been amazing. My whole body is sore in places I forgot had working muscles... And it is confidence boosting. I know I need to work on my dance skills... That's what I really need to make me a more marketable package as an actor in musical theater... But my confidence there is so low that I can't bring myself to walk into a dance studio and focus straight enough right now... I'm hoping that by working on silks and trapeze will build my confidence and desire to try some dance classes... But for now, when I'm in the air on a trapeze, I feel strong, and I feel beautiful. And that's what I need right now.
It has inspired me to start eating better and start a whole new workout regiment to build strength and really take care of the temple I've been given. There's no reason that I shouldn't be strong and lean, I'm literally in my prime-- it's now or never! Healthy habits start now. I'm a perfect size for strength and agility. More than plain, less than tall.
With physical strength, we all know comes mental and spiritual health...
And there have definitely been some spiritual battles I've been fighting. I won't go into heavy detail, but what I've learned is:

Love conquers all
and
God has me right where he wants me to be.

Everything happens for a reason, and His plan is so far beyond my sight lines... I might as well be blindfolded. At this point, it's all about trust.

Good stuff.
Hugs and Kisses.
Til next time.

Happiness

What is happiness 

The hardest thing you can ever go through emotionally is not feeling appreciated. Unwanted. Or not needed. 

I'm sure if you are reading this you may be thinking "losing a loved one is worse than that" or maybe "being very ill..." 

And yes, I don't mean to degrade those things or the emotions associated with them...  

But emotion is personal. And feeling unwanted on top of those other events, I'd say would take the cake.

Sorry for that moment of drear... I'm going somewhere with this, I promise. 

I'm thinking about myself a lot today, taking stock of my feelings and trying to figure out what my next step in life might be. 

Sometimes you think you know where your life is going and then certain events force you to find a new route.

I'm leaving one of my nanny families today after a year and a half of watching them... And yet it's not what has triggered this train of thinking. 

The life of an actor, my friends, is a rough emotional battle... Bringing me back to not feeling wanted or needed. It's a constant let down, and for my friends in New York, with skin of leather and a force field of strength to endure the wickedness of the big apple.... I shake your virtual hand and give you a lot of hugs. Honesty moment:  I don't like being told that I'm not good enough. I don't like being told that I'm not the one that you want. And I really don't like being told that I'm a dime a dozen. Because what I believe contradicts that. And even if I'm never on Broadway because I don't believe in giving into "unofficial lists" or being "typed out"... Then I know that there is a bigger plan for me... Even if it's on a smaller scale. 

So, as I sit in this rocking chair, as three very strong willed children take well deserved naps, for the last time as caretaker, I think about this one not so simple question...

"What makes me happy"

I'll tell you what... Good food. 

Delicious food makes me sooo happy. I love cooking. And baking. And eating it. 

And I love even more when someone else makes delicious food for me to eat. I love breakfast sandwiches. I love microwaveable snacks. I love cake and chocolate and tea and lemonade and vegetables and everything. 

And big portions. Often. 

Good Health makes me happy... For myself and others. Which I don't want to take for granted but have a hard time keeping in check. I like going to the gym, I like cycling and Pilates and yoga. I like running and doing fun runs and 5ks. I like creating meals that I know are full of vitamins and rich in nutrients. I love health food stores... And I love to research things about being healthy. 

Being close to people makes me happy. I love sharing and talking and laughing and being around people who want to be around me. With that... 

I love making people happy. I love surprising people with good deeds. I like to make an impact on people's lives in a positive way. I love serving and being helpful. Bringing me back to feeling needed and wanted. I am happy when I know other people are happy because of something I did for them. 

Being spontaneous makes me happy. I've never been good at staying with one thing for too long... I have a lot of things that I enjoy doing, and my heart is never full unless I get a chance to touch on all of those things.... There aren't a lot of jobs that allow for that though, so I often find myself getting bored. I need to be able to stretch my legs... I get claustrophobic being in one place all the time. I also need to be able to create. And have fun, and go on adventures... 

And stability makes me happy. Knowing I have a place to live. Knowing I'll have enough to get by... This is the one I struggle with, because it almost feels sinful... I know so many people are without... And I feel greedy about wanting to not have to go without... 

And first and foremost... My Heavenly Father... Where would I be without my guiding light?! Knowing that I have security in Him obviously makes me happy, and knowing in the deepest depths that I have nothing to fear... But as y'all know it's easier said than done...

It's cool being a well rounded person. I have an amazing life. I am so blessed. I can usually come up with a solution to any problem. And I usually understand things very quickly. I'm good at being objective and I can see things for what they really are. Except now. 

I'm excited but totally blind to the next steps in my life. But I guess that isn't so new... I've never been able to say where I'd be "in the next 5 years..." Or even the next 6 months really... 

I needed to write all this down to remind myself of the things I value. How can I stay true to myself. Will the opportunities that present themselves to me allow me to say yes to the things that really make me happy? Or will I have to sacrifice happiness in order to say yes to an opportunity? (Which makes me second guess if it's really an opportunity at all...) 

That felt good. 

Getting my thoughts out makes me happy. 

I recommend it 

Til next time.

Heaven

For some reason I have always had this skewed vision of what heaven would be like... I don't know when it started or who told me what to make me think this... But imagine this: 

A giant golden paved street with beautiful buildings lining it. The buildings and houses are merely for show, nobody ever sleeps and nobody lives there, they are just walls to the golden street. The street is so wide that millions of people are crowded together, and at the end of the street is God. And we all stand in the street and look to God while he smiles, and we worship him and now to him.... Like a crazy brainless (but happy) cult... 

That's what heaven had always been in my mind. A crowd of people with no thoughts... There's no pain, no sadness... But we just mindlessly worship. 

It has come to my attention that this is not what heaven is. In fact, this sounds awful to me. 

So here is my new information that I'd love to write down in this free typed memory bank: 

God is real. He wants us to have the opportunity to make choices. He gave us free will because He wants us to decide for ourselves to follow Him and know Him. It's a gift. To us and to Him. When we choose to believe, that is the happiest moment for our Heavenly Father. As an earthly mother or father would want their child to choose to love and obey them... It's not fun for anyone if you are tortured into obeying... 

Anyway.. Free will is a gift. 

Satan thought that free will wasn't a good idea. He wanted people to be mindless. To obey for the sake of obeying. And not an inch of wiggle room. So he was banished from Gods kingdom. 

This is where heaven and hell come in. 

Damnation. Think about that word for a second. 

Shunned to hell. 

But where is is derived from? 

A dam is built to stop the flow of water.

The cessation of progressing water...

Damnation is the same thing. The cessation of human progress. 

So Hell is a place where progress ceases. 

Where certain beings go and stop learning, stop growing... Stop thinking. 

If Heaven is the opposite... Then the definition must also be opposite.

Heaven is a place where progress continues. But where there is no satan to try to lure us to his lair... 

Heaven is protected, sacred and holy. A place where we will continue to grow closer to our creator and yes, we can worship God because we have chosen to do so. 

Sometimes we miss the point...

It has been a very mind twisting week. 

Mind and heart. 

I've been thinking a lot about my future (which is always an instant gut drop) and about my spirituality... I've been thinking about auditions and friendships... And then I found out about the death of one of my former classmates... 

And that just devastated me.

After you hear news like that, everything else starts to seem like ... life or death. 

If a beautiful, talented, kind, intelligent girl with her whole life to live can suffer and fear something that she wasn't expecting for 80 years... Well it can certainly happen to any one of us. 

Sorry that sounds so morbid, but that's just the way life feels right now. 

And on top of that I'm thinking about the woman I want to be, how o want to live my life, plans that God has laid out for me, and choices that He has given me to make. 

It occurred to me that I have been squashing my curiosity. I have always been a person with a lot of questions. And I love to discover the answer. In my past "curiosity killed the cat" seemed to be the motto of my life, and fortunately, by Gods grace, I was able to make wiser choices in finding answers. 

Unfortunately, some regrets kept me from continuing my search for answers and I stopped asking for a while. 

The amazing thing about this century is that lots of people have been through life and written down experiences and I can learn from others in books... Or by asking Siri.

From there it's a matter of finding the truth. 

So anyway, I'm trying to act on my curiosity and find answers again. This time not so recklessly. And this time with a purpose. 

That was all super vague, but I know what I'm talking about and that's all that matters. 

I'm also trying to work on being less selfish. Part of my theatrical journey has been about the fact that I don't want to do it all for me. "It makes me happy" isn't a good enough reason. I mean, it's great that theater makes me happy! 

I love that! But I also want to do something good with it. For others. Beyond the enjoyment of simply going to the theater. I don't know what that is yet... I guess I just need to keep figuring it out. 

A Tail from Sunshine Drive

I bid goodnight to my roommates and settle into my room.

I climb into bed and bounce on my knees to pull the fan light off and snuggle into my bed.

After what seems like just falling into that true state of sleep, I hear a sound.

The rustle of plastic bags… like someone discarding all of their grocery sacs at the same time.

My eyes shoot open but I dare not move my body. I’m paralyzed.

It’s definitely not someone, it’s surely someTHING.

A RACCOON!

There is a raccoon in my bedroom! How did it get there? What is it doing? How will it get out? Am I going to get rabies?!

I slowly and shakily reach for my cell phone on the desk next to me and shrink under my covers.

The noise stops. Crap.Where is it now?It’s under my bed… It’s in the closet… it’s digging holes in my walls…

It sounds like it has really tiny feet….

I pull up the flashlight app on my phone and quick as a ninja I flash it around the room.

A little tail quickly disappears behind my dresser.

I shriek… and run out of my room.

At least it’s not a raccoon… but it is a mouse.

I get in my car and go to the 24 hour grocery store to search for a trap.

I find the right isle, among the cleaning supplies and paper products.

All of the boxes look so violent…

“KILL MICE!” “DEAD IN SECONDS” “BLOOD GUTS GORE!”

I’m not a murderer… I can’t do this…

Then… hidden in the back... I find this little teeter-toter contraption…

You put peanut butter on one end, mouse walks in and while he’s having a tasty snack, the device gently closes him in. No killing. Just a little... "snack hut!"

I happily buy it and bring it home.

As quietly as I can, as not to wake the roomies, I set it up in the kitchen.  I get gloves and a shoebox ready and set the trap in my room on top of a spiral notebook for safety…

I don’t know, It seems to make sense…

I turn off my light and wait.

I swear hours go by, but there’s no sleeping tonight.

Suddenly, I hear it again… the bag rustle…

the littlest nibbles… what is he eating?

scampers…

After an eternity, he finds the trap. and i hear his little feet creep into the "snack hut"… and WHUTCHA! 

He’s trapped! I pull the light and see the trap going back and forth, back ad forth… like a teeter-totter… 

I strap on my gloves, put the snack hut in the shoebox and run to my car.

A nice neighborhood. I’ve gotta find a new home for this guy. I drive 20 minutes around the city and find a street with gorgeous houses next to a stream. 

I pull my car over to the side of the road and grab the box.

I set the “snack hut” on the ground and release the door as fast as I can. The tiniest mouse I’ve ever seen, maybe the size of my thumb, falls onto my boot.

I scream. again.

And I swear he looks up at me and says to me in his tiny mouse voice 

“bye, bye! I’m gonna miss you!”

I tear runs down my cheek a little and I say “I hope you like your new home!"

Turns out he was after my chocolate covered pretzels in my bedroom garbage.

I decide I’ll keep my snacks in the kitchen from now on.

Utah

I get teary eyed every time at takeoff in an airplane... 

I love to take flight and see the places I love from the sky... The world that seemed so impossible to conquer from the ground suddenly becomes so small and vast at the same time... it becomes so tangible, so much more into an understood perspective. 

I love the feeling of flying. Especially the first ascent. The dropping feeling in our human bellies, reminding us that we were never supposed to be in the sky... a reminder to respect it, the dangers of it, and the beauty... but that we mere humans have figured it out...by the grace of God, we take flight... to remind us that He's created an amazing world that he wants us to enjoy and worship Him in. 

Flight is beautiful. It's a miracle, and I am so awestruck and blessed that I have the opportunity to experience such an adventure.

This weekend was amazing. My amazing friend Mindy shared her support and family with me and was selfless enough to leave her own boys and husband at home to accompany me to my audition in Utah. 

The trip there couldn't have gone smoother. We were supposed to have three flights-- Buffalo-Chicago-Phoenix-Salt Lake City... But out flight to Chicago was early and we were able to catch an earlier flight straight to Salt Lake City without having to stop for out layover in Arizona! With the extra few hours we gained we visited Mindy's friend Christina and had Cafe Rio for dinner... Which was amaaazingg... And enjoyed the company and conversation of each other. We visited Mindy's brother and Sister in law, Robbie and Kelli, then we made a few stops and picked up some essentials and then went to Mindy's alma mater to check out the audition situation for the following day. I talked to some students in the theater program at BYU before they went into their auditions and we left for Mindy's in-laws house (where I met Suzanna, Tom and sweet, squeezable baby Nolan) for a good nights sleep. 

With excitement and audition nerves I woke up early and showered and prepared myself for what I never would have expected to be such an amazing audition day. Mindy prayed for blessings over my audition, and away we drove in our rental toy sized car. 

Mindy and I arrived early and I was the first to sign up for an audition slot at 10am. 

With my flower audition book and golden heels I boldly walked into a large room, smile on my face (and the ever present audition knobs in my knees) and gave my songbook to the friendly accompanist. 

I introduced myself and sang an honest version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow".

With some head nods from the directors table I was asked to sing a second song. 

Almost bursting, I gladly asked whether they'd like something higher or lower... Higher (horray!) 

A little 16 bar cut of "Vanilla Ice Cream" with a love struck high it's at the end set the directors table into a series of questions about my dance  experience.

Upon the discovery of my New York residency I was asked

"Did you get lost...?" 

To which I explained the cost of travel to Utah and staying with family being cheaper than a drive and a week to NYC. I also got to toss in that Scott would be in Arizona and the potential of being able to be in a show and be able to see my brother play was a very appealing reason to want to work for the theater. 

They had me sing a lower song, "Frank Mills" and then my first song again, only this time with a childlike outlook. 

So that makes 4 opportunities to sing and 10 minutes in the audition room. 

That felt pretty amazing. 

I was asked to stay for the dance call and to read for Wendy and Jane. 

The dance call was tough, always my weakest link... But I tried. So that's what counts I guess. 

Reading for Jane was a blast. I read with an enthusiastic new friend, Kaden, who played a very charming wild man, and then got to sing two of Janes songs. 

And that was it! I didn't end up reading for Wendy, most likely because the roles of Wendy and Jane are so similar (British, curious, adventurous...) 

So I was relieved to have some dinner and hang out with Mindy, Robbie and Kelli. 

Sunday we went to church at Robbie and Kelli's church, and I enjoyed the teachings. 

We visited Temple Square and saw some beautiful and historical buildings. The missionaries that gave us a tour were adorable and so kind and generous with their time and desire to give us information. 

We saw the LDS conference center, which seats 21,000 people and is built with no pillars or support in the line of sight for any audience members! There is not ONE bad seat in all 21,000 seats! Pretty amazing. 

Kelli's mom made a nice dinner for all of us and we talked and played a word game until we were all sooo tired. 

On Monday we did a tour of the new Provo temple... Which was gorgeous... Even the hinges on the door were exquisite... No corners cut from the mural paintings on the walls to the finely crafted staircase pillars modeled after the ones original to the temple formerly burned down. 

I insisted that we drive to the mountains after we packed up and ran some errands, because all week I couldn't get over my love for the mountains hugging the cities we had visited. It was foggy, rainy and snowy most of the time we were in Utah... Which is odd, I hear... So my view of the mountains was often obstructed. We drove about a mile into the mountains, snapped a few photos and decided it was safer to turn around due to poor weather conditions and slippery roads. Our 2 wheel drive toy car couldn't handle it... Next time, Utah...

We drove to Kelli and Robbie's and helped them with their new house-- Mindy and I started the assembly of their new IKEA cabinets and Mindy helped put baseboards down with Robbie. We finished pretty late, grabbed a bite to eat and said good bye (for now) and drove back to Salt Lake where we stayed at her friend Christina's  for the night. Tuesday morning we went out to breakfast at Kneaders and then drove to the airport for our Flight to Arizona. 

And that brings it full circle. Back to the amazing sky above the clouds... Where the earth starts to look like ant hills and matchboxes, and the beauty of creation becomes a little more viewable to my tiny human eyes. 

Perfectly amazing. 

I love Utah... I'd love to spend my summer there. 

As Auditions Approach

How lovely to be able bodied and insightful enough to blog again only after a day and a half.

I should seriously do this more often.

I think its really amazing to be able to take the time and reflect upon the positive things happening in my life.

It's so easy to feel sluggish and get into a daily routine of waking up, driving mindlessly to work, nodding through the day with your eyes half shut, scuffing home, scarfing down dinner and barely looking at your cat before hardly brushing your teeth and turning on Netflix for a few hours of restless sleep.

You know?

I am a part of a really amazing church, with a really amazing pastor, who I am convinced reads peoples minds and gives amazingly relevant and life changing messages every week.

If you're interested, it's called Renovation and it's located on Hertel Ave in Buffalo.

Hey, you never know... it could change your life... it changes mine every week.

To preface what I'm about to write about today, I have something else to remind myself about (seeing as I don't really know if anyone will ever read this... I suppose if you (whoever you are) do read this blog, it will just give you a little insight to what I think and feel...)

I was scrolling through Instagram and I came across a photo of a key with the word "Breathe" engraved into it. It was captioned with #thegivingkeys.

I got very curious and looked into the story of how Caitlin Crosby (Singer/songwriter/actress) built up a business by going against the Hollywood grain, singing about loving your imperfections, and encouraging people to be good to others around them. 

http://www.thegivingkeys.com/pages/about-us

Like keys, we are all different. We all have dents and markings that make us flawed, and sometimes we feel discarded, or lost… but sometimes we can unlock someone else’s situation.

The basis behind the key is you’re supposed to embrace the word on your key (courage, strength, hope, faith, love… etc.) and then when/if you come across someone who you think needs the key more than you… you pass it on.

It's sort of an encouraging, community building project and the proceeds help people transition people out of homelessness.

Our message at church today started with a question. 

“What breaks your heart?”

For Caitlin Crosby, the thought of Hollywood’s perfect standards bringing people down broke her heart. Homelessness breaks her heart. So she used her fame to bring a future and hope to others.

Of course, there are thing in this life that break my heart.

Sick children being one of them. A huge part of my grace story is that I was healed, miraculously, when I was a child of reflux in my bladder and kidneys.

Without too much detail, I was often in excruciating pain, often resulting in what felt like endless tears and invasive doctoral procedures. After having been prayed for, and truly believing that Jesus was going to heal me, like he did in all those stories I read in the bible, just one visit later I was told by the doctor that there were no signs the reflux ever existed. No scarring, no damage to my kidneys. Just Healed. One Hundred Percent.

So you might say “Sarah, why not go into nursing, and work in the children’s ward at the hospital” 

…Because I was also given a gift.

Up to this point, I have had a hard time figuring out how being an actress can be a non-selfish act. With all of the time and preparation that goes into an audition and rehearsals… just to be in the spotlight, and have thousands of eyes looking up to you…. how can something like that bring glory to the One that created me? And if this doesn’t bring Him glory, then what does? And if I’m not meant to be doing this, then why did He give me this gift to begin with?

Recently it has started to make sense.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

It has been so hard for me to be happy auditioning and waiting for the “next thing” to come along because to this point, it has been lacking purpose. If I can’t help the hungry and I can’t heal the sick… then why does it matter?

And the answer is… I still don’t know. But I do know this-

“Whoever wants to save their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for Him will save it.

Mark 8:35

So I’ve got nothing to worry about. And I’ve got nothing to lose. 

Because this year all I can do is say “yes” to the opportunities that are presented to me.

I want my life to be saved. So I have to lose myself.

Myself being: my fear of not being good enough… my comfort zone… my fear of being rejected… my fear of having no money… fear of lack of stability… selfishness…

And thank goodness I've been delivered from those things... 

All I can do is try my hardest and work at refining my gifts, and know that whatever will be will be… so that someday, maybe someone will read this and say “hey, she has real purpose… and so can I.”

Life Lessons

Hello and behold! 

From your regular, average, everyday "Mary Poppins" 

Since I've last blogged (maybe 4 years ago?!) lots of things have happened.

I graduated from college, re-devoted my life to Christ, traveled to some beautiful places on the East Coast (and flew on my first ever airplane) and experienced some truely magical stage moments!

I got to "Follow My Heart" in Urinetown as Hope my final semester of college...

I got to "Be a Clown" and have all the class in Cole with Kaleidoscope Theater...

I got to fly (!!!) in Peter Pan as Wendy at Art Park... which was probably the most magical stage moment ever... 

and I got to sing to the heavens with a high E flat in "Pirates of Penzance" as Mabel with the Aurora Players (I did not break the window glass, however... though I was asked to try....)

As for the Mary Poppins thing; I'm a full time nanny for 7 (total) children (not all at once!).

I have learned a lot from the little stinkers, and most of the time they are super fun to hang out with.

5 amazing life lessons I have learned from nannying:

Stand your ground, be True to yourself & Make the wise choice

-It's okay to be the only one dancing! It's a crazy world, and a lot of what "seems good" is actually really bad, what seems true is really false, and whats "not fair" is actually quite just. Just because something seems cool, doesn't mean you have to do it. It's okay to say "No" and not feel bad about it. Everyone is going through something but that doesnt mean you have to diminish your own feelings because you think someone elses problems are bigger than yours. Do the right thing. And if you don't know the right thing, discuss it with someone who you know has wisdom.

There is always an exception to "the rule"

-Life is fluid, and things change... times change... you learn new things and new opportunities are presented to you. Nothing on this earth lasts forever, and ultimatiums are harsh and hard to justify. Not all mammals are warm blooded and the number of days in a year fluxuates every 4 years... so Yes, stand your ground, do what you know in your heart is right... but sometimes---

If you can't beat 'em... join 'em

-Face it. You can't always be right! The minute you realize you were wrong, apologize, or give someone a hug... life is too short to hold onto grudges, and the weight of being wrong is so much heavier than admitting you were wrong. Then, join in the party! Sometimes life is exhausting and all you want to do is sleep and people keep jumping on you to go out and play and you're not in the mood and you'd rather eat chocolate and cry, and those people weren't even nice to you two minutes ago.... but hey... YOU'RE ALWAYS GOING TO BE EXHAUSTED... you might as well be exhausted and playing a princess-cowboy and duck-duck-goose outside in the sunshine.... Sharing is caring, and it CAN be fun! 

Your identity is presented very early in life, you just have to choose to accept it.

-This is sortof specific to nannying, because everyday I get to experience youth, and watch personalities develop. Just a few days ago, a baby was born that I had the opportunity to hold less than 72 hours after he was introduced to the world. As I held him I just watched his tiny face, his tiny eyes trying to make out what he was seeing, without words to help him understand the things he saw... and yet I saw a quiet sort of wisdom in that... In the first two years of a healthy babies life, they learn to eat, see, crawl, walk, talk, create... they learn how to manipulate you, how to fight back... they learn letters and how to count... how to identify people without seeing them in person... they have complex feelings, their feelings get hurt and they understand what love (and alternatively abandonment) feels like. Nurture is a huge part of the development of all this and a wise mentor who sees your potential is definately very helpful to be the best person you can be... that being said-- nobody can tell you what to do... and just because you are good at something or perfect for something doesn't mean it is the right path. A conversation I had with a friend recently ended something like this: "Just because I am good at crafts and know where everything is at Hobby Lobby doesn't mean that I should work there...". It sounds silly, but that conversation really stuck with me. Your destiny is more spiritual than what you are good at. I'll leave it at that for now.

Forgiveness doesn't mean you are going to allow someone to keep hurting you, it means that you choose to forget how they've wronged you in the past.

-This is huge as a nanny. For me and the kids. They are still learning how to share, and I don't know how many times a day I have to say "no running in the kitchen,""no climbing on the sofa," "we don't hit people," and the list goes on and on... 

It was only recently that I noticed one of my three year olds secretly pretending to color with a red crayon on one of my 2 year olds back... as soon as she caught my eye, she stopped and said "Remember when she hit me?!"... as though coloring on the 2 year olds back was revenge for when she got hit earlier in the day.... 

This concept was hard for me to digest. For my heart, 3 years old is much to young to be thinking revengeful thoughts like that... so we had to have a conversation.

There are a lot of things that hit me really fast about this. Things I have heard before, but were put into simple terms for me.

Just because someone says they are sorry, doesnt mean they won't do it again. In fact, usually, they will hurt you again... however, the right thing to do is move on. A wise monkey once said "The past can hurt... you can either run from it... or learn from it."

Sometimes, it's okay to do both.

Everyone deserves a second chance. 

If you know someone is going to hurt you again, after you've given them a second chance... learn from it...forget about it... and walk away. Sometimes...that is forgiveness. Revenge is not.

Thanks, kids. 

For now,

Princess Blueberry.